The Daddy Test

LSS Miniseries
Originally uploaded by TSHolen

Well, it's been a day. That's for sure. I will not pass judgement on whether it has been good or bad one, mostly because I have not been properly awake at all today. We had another one of our Mondays. And that day, yesterday, was a pretty good one I think. At least from what I can remember. We did our normal thing; Lloyds first for cheapishly drinkin'. I was first as always, and I had finished of a quarter of a bottle of Russian power water and a cup of a certain type of Irish cream mixed with coffee before I came. All in the effort of making the experience cheaper. Afterwards: across the road to venerable(?) Oceana.

The good things I remember:

we did drinking games (less success this time)
we got the same sofas as last time
Matt reminded me of the N.U.S. card, saving me a precious £1 upon entering OC
the revolutionary and undoubtedly ridiculously important and influential B.E.S. was created.
something I've been spending a fair amount of energy thinking about got confirmed, couldn't be happier!
Matt put me onto some British Drum and Bass
The DJ finally played Cash In My Pocket after I'd asked him some embarrassing three times
I spent less than £20 !

People either like drinking games or they don't. I can understand arguments for both. I can appreciate how it might feel slightly uncomfy having everyone closely monitoring how much you drink. And there's always lots of those "Can't we just chill"s and "that's just silly"s. Well, it's a good ice breaker anyways. At least our 'crew' has few problems with it, or so it would seem. Actually some are rather enthusiastic at times. We did 'knock-off-a-penny'. I've never learned this game from anyone, but I'm not gonna pretend I invented it, it's just too simple to never have been played before (and even if I did invent it; 'congratu-fucking-lations you invented a drinking game, come on, here's a fucking medal'). Idea is to have a tower of pennies; knock of one and you're in the clear, knock of more: you drink (and we added: knock over the whole shebang: down it! ). While this was somewhat entertaining(?) for a little while, throwing ice cubes quickly became more fun. That is until someone sitting in the couch behind us (I have an inkling they were feeling a bit of collateral damage) shouted (I say, rather aggressively: ) "STOP IT!!".

LONG overdue we finally founded the B.E.S. The Bureau of Excessive use of Sarcasm. While I might have been the one to start the initiative, Sophie rose from head chairman (-woman?) to actually becoming the official queen of the bureau in course of the night. Only fair seeing as the bureau was created in honour of her somewhat ... well, sarcastic comments.

There are a couple of good reasons to cry (as in: tears down the cheeks, not the shouting thing, more reasons for that) in a night club:
A girl (boy) might have screwed you over
A girl (boy) you have a rather strong liking to might have given you the impression that they might do that thing above, save the 'over' part of it.
Well there are thousands of different variations of people poking fingers and stuff in your eyes making those tears appear.

I guess my brief moment in tears falls into that last category. You know when you drink and you do stuff that might be considered to be a bit stupid? Not like those stupid drinkaware commercials, nothing like: unwanted babies, bruises (well small ones maybe) or any of that stabbing/mugging stuff. Just the small things. Minor screw ups. I am a Master of those. Anyways, I had a shot of teq. Salt and lemon and the whole package. I might not have been too particular about getting all that salt off of my hand. It's all just in order to prepare you for the teq, the same way the nurse used to pinch you before setting the needle.. no..? Some people say it's about opening the pores on your tongue, making the alcomohol (Clare!) go straight into your blood stream. However appealing this sounds, I'm not sure that millisecond you have the teq in your mouth would move mountains anyways. Back to the point: I can safely say that it only became obvious to me that I had indeed not licked all the salt of my hand when I got the sudden urge to clap in rhythm of whatever FIYA the dj was playing, spraying all that salt into my eyes. Whether or not you have had this experience before, I am sure you can imagine that this really is not particularly comfortable. In fact it hurt like a mothafucka (thanks to: mr. S. L. Jackson).

Even though I spent only £20 yesterday (something of an achievement, no?), the reality is that I am rapidly closing in on that thing you know, that being broke thing. So today I checked my Lloyds TSB card for credit; £8. Smallest amount available: £10. Auch. My Norwegian card next. Ambitiously £40, expensive to withdraw so better get a proper amount when I first bother. Computer says NO. Starting to sweat, and when I pushed £30 I didn't really believe it myself. NO. £20? Please..? NoooO! Last resort please, just a £10. Oh no no no.. Fuckety fuck! Later deep dives into my financial records revealed that my balance was approx £4, but with one of those handsome - infront of it. Uncool.. Very much so indeed. Luckily I have some backup, but I realize I can't leave home anywhere near sober when we're going out in the future.

Today Michelle and Sophie came to me with what they thought to be good news. They said that next term starts 26th of January and not the 5th as earlier stated(?). I can understand how that might seem like good news. Here are two situations where it's not:

- when you don't really fancy staying with mummy and daddy that long (am I onto something miss Lawson?)

- when you've already paid for your flight from Norway on the 4th and you realize that three weeks without anything to do will mean three weeks where a substantial amount of money will be likely to fall into some big black hole, never to be seen again and also when you have in mind that your GF is indeed returning to uni the 5th, and that making her take all the flights and stuff alone might be a somewhat unkind thing to do. (breathe)

Life's a muthafucka (again thanks to mr. S. L. Jackson). What do I do? Thanks in advance for all the stupid suggestions with the likes of: you could to this and that for ME / you could do stuff that doesn't cost money / blah blah and a blah

The daddy test. An invention by dear Vince. When in doubt of what to choose; do the daddy test. Go through your options find the one that makes you cry DADDY. That's the one. Simple but genius. I think it relates to the phenomena of the holy Ompfh. Some pictures have it, some don't. It's not easy to point out why, they just have the Ompfh. And if they have it, I'd say it's likely they would also make Vince cry DADDY.