Jante meets megalomania

Non- / Chalance IV
Originally uploaded by TSHolen

I'm not entirely sure whether it is because I've grown up in a small town or if it is something that is particular about me. What I do know is that I am a city-addict. I love the metropolis. I am still wandering around big-eyed, taking in everything about the city, the architecture, the people - the stereotypes. This is the main theme of all my photography this far on the course, just interpreting the city. I believe I see it differently than people who have lived here all their lives. This last project I found this incredibly cool place called the Barbican, and I took loads of pictures there. I noticed that the Londoners were hurrying by seemingly ignorant of the beauty of the place. That inspired me to try and put something into the pictures that would stop this nonchalance. I went back to the same places and took similar pictures with a human figure in them. I wanted it to be an anonymous, iconic figure whose main purpose was to attract attention. I wanted to create a figure that would seem intimidating and puzzling. This was the idea behind my project, which I have now posted to flickr. It has received pretty much attention, so I guess that has to mean that they weren't that rubbish after all.

And about that, I tend to try to and be humble and not have delusions of grandeur. It just so happens that a good friend of mine (Karoline) lives next to a fella called Ian who studies photography at Brooks Institute in California (apparently that's the royal shit within photo education). We started talking, comparing courses (mine= artsy, his= professional), and I explained about my (stupid?) dream of moving to New York to try and make it as a photographer (C L I C H É !). And he (the American) said I ought to do it. And not only that, he couldn't possibly understand why I wouldn't. Americans are known to be a little cocky and arrogant and are always on about their american dream, while europeans are more humble and have less faith in themselves, those who in fact does have ambitions go to america to realize them. I hope I'm not offending anyone.. I'm coming to the point soon. Which of these are right? Talking to lovely Ian, who honestly couldn't understand why I wouldn't have enough faith in myself to try and go for it, I wasn't that sure anymore. We (Karo and me) had to try and explain about the european (scandinavian) culture, and I introduced terms such as 'delusions of grandeur' and the Jante Law. Upon reading the latter Ian reacted saying it was totally crazy. And I did really come to realize that it is. It's totally fucked up actually. The thing is that we've grown up in a society which still very much cherishes that law, even though everyone you ask will deny it. It's deeply imprinted into our culture. It's neither right nor wrong, it's just the way it is in Scandinavia. I'm not suggesting we change it, I'm pointing out that while a lot of you fellow europeans point at americans saying how bold and cocky they are, take a look at yourself (and maybe the distribution of power in the world) and reconsider what the fucking ideal is.

Anyway, back to my project again. I've been bitching quite a lot about the way the idea behind the pictures seem to be more important than the actual pictures. I came to realize that I was a little wrong about that. I think some of my frustration originated from something else; I'm in the first year of a bachelor in photography and everyone is at different levels of skill at this point. Some of us presented what we considered to be finished bodies of work. Others were just messing around trying different stuff. And while the products are difficult to evaluate and compare, I overlooked that it was indeed the progress we were being awarded for.

Yesterday I went through all the pictures of me on facebook. Some two hundred and somethy-something. And besides from giving a rather stunningly complete documentation of a lot of the best parties I've been to, they got me to realize that at 19 years of living I have indeed had a lot of fun already. What also strikes me is that it is the parties where someone carried a camera that you remember the best. I also tend to black out my memory completely when I drink, which is the reason why I was armed with a disposable almost every party throughout a year. Funny thing about this is that you only get the pictures back quite a while later, so some parts of the party would only be rediscovered maybe the next week. My cousin's husband (Paul) have the same memory problem and he said something pretty cool about it:
"When you don't remember anything from the parties you've been to, then you experience them twice. Once when you are there, and once more when people tell you what actually happened". I agree with that to a certain extent, but if no one's there to recap everything to you right away, then it feels kind of useless spending that much money for having a black hole in your consciousness. So I started bringing disposables loaded with slide film, b&w and loads of other stupid stuff, to document the parties. I have to admit that in between the vast ocean of shots of people posing/making faces with their drinks, there are some rather good stuff. In fact some photographers actually do this stuff for real. Seamus Nicholson for one and Jamie Stoker, who is a rather talented british photography student, currently in Brighton I believe. I just happened to come across his blog. Some good, inspiring stuff. In Alex Garland's 'The beach' the (notoriously super cool) main character talks about whether he wants to carry a camera around on his travels. The argument was that you only remember the actual moments in the pictures and nothing else. It's hardly a fair thing to bring up (comparing blacked out parties with international travels and all) but I'd say that I usually manage to connect the dots. I'm gonna start bringing cameras to parties again.

On a completely different note, I have decided that the best way to cross a road is to walk halfway over looking like you own the place, and when you realize the shitload of cars are coming faster than you thought: run like a crazy fella!