Retrographic

#1 Introducing Johnny...
Originally uploaded by TSHolen

Oh well, it's been quite a while. I've been trying to think why I haven't written anything lately. I think it is due to a combination of two factors. One being that I am rather struggling with the whole concept of a blog. I am not really completely okay with doing the blogging thing.
The other being that I need to be in a special state of mind to ignore the former factor. These consists of either being hungover or having pressing computer-based work to do, whereas blogging works as an escape from whatever that is. The latter is the case today, as I really should be editing my moving image project.

Our roommate is in the process of moving out. At least we believe so. Cannot know for sure as he has never actually said he's moving out. Our landlady told me ages ago he'd be moving out. Upon asking our other roommate he could tell us that this was not the case, and he told us not to trust what she said. Things started shifting around and we asked the other roommate again (communication with the moving out one: not so great). No, he was not moving out. He'd just bought a drum kit. Things started shifting around even more, and we asked again. Yes, supposedly he was moving out by the end of this week (!). Things started disappearing. Notably a golden statue of a dog (probably not his), the toaster iron (definitely not his) and a whole lot of other stuff from the kitchen. It's difficult to say for certain how long the kitchen stuff's been missing for, seeing as he never did his dishes and kept quite a stack of stuff in his room. What seems to be missing is quite alot of cutlery, predominantly forks (this was also what he enjoyed keeping in his room). Upon making pizzas on friday I noticed the can opener was missing. Sorry, but that's just low. We bought that one, so we know it was indeed not his. At least I learned the pros and cons of trying to pry open a can of tomato pure with a screwdriver. And today we walked into the living room to find the tv missing. Admittedly that actually was his (I think there might be a guy somewhere missing a tv that might defer though), but seriously I think he's watched tv three or four times since we moved in. But hey, a 17 inch tv is not something you'd throw away lightly. Never mind that we're left with a sky subscription and no tv. Oh, but he didn't only take, he also gave. This generosity took the form of a giant mountain of dishes for us to do. Great!


I've been meaning for some time now to write about why I shoot film and not digital. While there are quite a lot of reasons for this, it's tempting to simply say that I get the pictures I want when using film, and maybe that really is the best answer. Oh wait there's more to it than that. In this world of digital-techno-everything it's nice to be able to actually touch and feel the things you are doing. You know the drill, vinyl vs mp3s. Same soup. Further on, one of the things that really fascinates me with photography is to know exactly what's been going on. I like to see the edges where the picture ends and the unexposed borders of negative begins. Somehow this just tells me that the picture exists, it has been taken. It tells me that this person was there and took that picture with that type of camera on that film. Which is nice sometimes. Sometimes you'd like to not know anything about a picture and just wonder how the hell it came to happen, but most of the time I like to know as much as possible. It's difficult to pinpoint exactly why I need this information, but I think has something to do with soul. Hold your horses; nothing religious. Soul in the way that this was created when an imperfect human being with a mechanical device (which has it's flaws!) exposed silver-ions to light and later on put them in some chemicals. A lot of stuff can go fucking wrong within that process. I just know that it was not something mass produced by a machine. There are a lot of variables.
In modern photography, I believe there is a fight between man and machine. Who gets to decide? Who makes the picture? Lets look at the options:


1. Un-electrified camera. No lightmeter, no autofocus, no nothing. 99% Human.
2. Lightmeter in cam.
3. Lightmeter with autoexposure. The camera makes a decision for you(!)
4. Autoexposure and autofocus. The camera decides how to expose and what to focus on.
5. Digital camera with AE and AF. The camera generates the picture. I'm not doing per cents all the way, but I'd say quite alot of control is lost.

As for generally creating an image, somewhere around 0 would be painting and automatically generated images around 6. Now of course, I'm not saying it doesn't matter who actually holds the digital camera, by all means you decide where to point it. And I believe you can pretty much turn off everything save the lightmeter in most digital slr's. You're picture is still only a series of ones and zeros though.
I didn't mean for it to sound like all digital images are shit and created only by the camera. That might be my generalisation, but I don't mean it this strongly.

Moving on; I like to be able to use the cameras and lenses that your parents merely could dream of having when they were my age. There are such a serious shitload of analogue cameras and lenses out there, it seems pretty stupid not to make use of them.

I really like being able to choose what film to use and what format to use it in. I guess it is pretty hypocritical to have a rant about digital cameras making too many decisions for you and afterwards say that I like to buy this and that kind of film because it gives me these colours/this latitude/this contrast. But I do choose the film though.

One of my absolute favourite photographers Velco Dojcinovski said the following:
"Shooting film today is receiving that handwritten letter from home while your inbox gets flooded with viagra mail"

It's a lot about separating oneself from the bunch isn't it? Today everybody's a photographer. It used to be if you had a DSLR you were kind of the cool guy. Now one in three of the cameras used to take a million pictures of that-girl-and-her-girlfriend-posing-so-hard-I'm-surprised-the-camera-doesn't-break is a dslr. To be entirely honest the sheer amount of pictures being taken these days is enough to suck quite alot of motivation out of me. Everything has been photographed before. The challenge is to do it differently and better. The challenge is in the execution.

And it surely is not about the equipment. At least not only about the equipment. The equipment you own should at least reflect what you wish to use it for. Top end DSLR for taking pictures at parties ??

I work in a photo-store in a shopping mall. At the mall's christmas party we were responsible for bringing the photographic material to be used to bear evidence that the party actually happened (the christmas party is the culmination of the Norwegian (rather heavy) drinking culture), so no guarantees anyone would remember anything. When asked how many disposable cameras to lay out on the tables my boss said the very genius:

"If we lay out three cameras, we get three rolls of film with people's drunken poses. If we lay out ten cameras we get the ten rolls of film with people's drunken poses."

Afterwards suggesting to keep the number of cameras as low as possible.

Anyways I bought the lens. The one I have been wanting for two ages and a half. Yes, it feels good. And no, it does not make as much difference as one always imagines it will when wanting something super strongly. I merely try to point it towards the same things I would normally. I won't rely on my nauseatingly expensive lens to take my picture, but at the same time, if I thought I could create images completely without any tools, I would draw or paint.

I make it a rule to treat the camera as if the film inside is the most valuable part of it. After all it's the only thing that is not easily replaceable.


For me I guess a picture should be the result of a series of conscious decisions, with an accident or two somewhere in between.

Television For The Blind

Originally uploaded by TSHolen

First of I'm a bit angry. If you guys really had to revive skins, then do it properly for fucks sake. Shallow and unrealistically stereotypical characters does not do it by far. Check out episode three of series two and that scene in the club where the Crystal Castles performs Alice Practice while Sid finally realizes what's happened. Dude, you guys aren't even grasping anything remotely near that authenticity in the new series. No need to be a rocket scientist to figure out that that Cooke guy is a migh suicidal and that it has something to do with his mother. Unless there's something impressive hidden behind it, I am ready to stop spending any more time on this series.

Speaking of television series; ever since I downloaded Smallville when it first came I have been aware of all the bad that comes with downloading series. Television series are in general made with the intention to get you rather addicted to them, - make you tune in your tv next week and all that. You know how this works, after the episode is finished pretty much all you can think of is how it continues in the next episode. The problem is that when you download several episodes and see them in a row this addictive element gets rather amplified. Obviously your own life seems disappointingly uneventful compared to that of the protagonist in the tv show. And you get super-addicted to watching the show. The worst is if the show mainly follows one character because then your life seems to follow his/hers in a way. If things go to shit with him/her you feel bad and the opposite. And when you sit there with a happy feeling after watching, in the end you realize that it doesn't really matter at all. It is not real (a lot like what I know accomplishments in computer games also makes you feel), it feels kind of shit, doesn't it? Of course if you end up feeling bad because something went to hell in the show then it really isn't as easy to shake it off. In essence the series makes your life seem pretty uninteresting. In this light it is funny that it is a well known fact that the Norwegian prime minister is a big fan of Sopranos and that he watches a lot tv-series. I can't help but wonder if he feels the same way after watching a show.

The other day my mom tipped me of this study saying that a lot of young people are suffering hearing losses because of playing music too loud in iPods and other mp3-players. I guess this is not really that unbelievable. My brother once said that he thought that this decade would be the one when everyone started experiencing the world around them with a soundtrack. Music in your ears. Constantly. I really think he was onto something, and another thing that strikes me is that in order to actually have contact with someone you meet on the streets of a big city (I only really have experience with London but I'm guessing it's the same everywhere) you have to have them take out a plug playing music in their ears. And that will only happen after you've taken out yours to start the conversation. Real world sound is second to that of your iPod and you are not really meant to have anyone talk to you, unless of course it's through your phone which incidentally is connected to, again, earphones. To top it all, today I was sitting on the bus next to an old fella. It seemed he had some difficulties breathing as his throat seemed to give of some kind of ticking noise once and again. After a while I realized how impossibly rhythmic his breathing was and to be honest I thought it sounded rather like a snare drum of some sort. I looked at him to check if the ancient guy could really be wearing headphones, and no it didn't seem so. The only ear I could properly see was filled with hair and wax, but no earphone. So I went back to listening, and I really couldn't help but making out a kick drum and some synths to go with the snare, and I even felt I knew the rhythm from somewhere. And then suddenly he gets up to leave and I notice that his other ear is indeed not quite as empty and a white little apple plug is anchored in between the hair and all that other stuff. And would you believe it, the old man sitting next to me was listening to Let It Rock by Kevin Rudolf and Lil Wayne! Not only is it a rather hip-hoppy track, it is actually pretty new too. Made my morning that one.

The other day we were out clubbin' at local Oceana (really ought to try some of the others soonish..?). Pretty allright night, didn't get too drunk but all in all good fun. In the queue I started becoming aware of the excessive number of guys wearing hats. I didn't really give it much thought seeing as, well, English guys like to wear hats sometimes. Anyways, inside we noticed a girl wearing a corset and hot pants dancing up on a platformy thing in the spotlight. In my understanding corset and hot pants are categorized as underwear. Not so much like that for her, for her it was more like: proper party wear. I know I'll get in trouble for this, but I have to say that I get a bit nauseous thinking about how she in every probability would complain to her equally dressed friends how the boys were coming on to her like she'd invited them to it or something. Now, let's say we skip that part where all the girls get f-ing angry saying that they should be allowed to wear whatever they want without having to become a rape offer. 'Even if the fruit is peeled it isn't yours to take' and all of that. I do by no means say that the guys have any right to take whatever they like because you wear, well, underwear or something other rather sexually inviting. But do you not see the POSSIBILITY that _maybe_ it gives some sort of signal when you yourself seemingly try to rape the railing on the platform your dancing on in the spotlight in a club. No? Anyways, this is more of a general frustration and not solely based on this happening, because it seems that very night was a themed one, namely 'Pimps and Pornstars', fair enough I guess. I have to say though, that when the spotlight was moved from one platform to the other, we noticed that our trusty underwear-clad friend had moved along with the light. Conveniently.

Another memorable thing happened in the club. We were dancing to some awesome-ish british drum and bass, and the Dj and the song agreed that everyone ought to have their hands in the air and jump. The kind of thing you hate when you hear the song the first time on the radio or whatever, but do rather shamelessly in the club. Anyways, when you do this there's the rather frequent situation where someone's head comes beneath your elbow on your way down from a jump and it all results in a heavy thump in that someone's head. I was wary of this happening, and therefore kept my eyes looking out for people. It just so happened that a guy standing not far from me went and smashed his elbow into some girls head, - rather hard I'd say. He seemed very sorry and apologized to the girl. Her (rather enormous) boyfriend was not impressed by the apology, and seemed to think it appropriate to trust violence to solve it. The other guy, foresighted enough to realize what the biggie was about to do was already moving away when mr tough guy launched his punch. Now here's the brilliant part: in doing so, running away that is, the guy accidentally pushed the girl into the trajectory of the punch making the big guy punch his girlfriend right in the head, making it her second head trauma for the night. It was a pretty awesome sight, and I really hope that guy got away in time because the brute seemed rather ill-content with him punching his own girlfriend being the final act of the exchange.

I'll try to write more often here, but I'm not sure that I will be able to. I'm more of a 'one f-ing big post now and then' than 'a small post every other day'-type i guess. Anyways, have a good one!

Pigeon Wharf

Pigeon Wharf
Originally uploaded by TSHolen

It's been a while since last post now. This is by no means of lack of stuff to write about, more the opposite to be honest.

Christmas was good, very good. To be frank, it was so cool meeting everyone again that going back kind of sucked for some days. And we DID have some good parties. As usual I have serious difficulties remembering what actually happened at these, but I am fairly positive I had fun. As far as parties goes, I feel the climax was reached new years eve. For the very first time (ever) I dared host myself, and I am truly impressed by how good everyone behaved. In fact after getting some recaps of the night, I actually have an inkling it was I who was the biggest troublemaker there. Impressive stuff. This conclusion was reached after hearing accounts of how I managed to drop my phone in a glass of water while speaking on it, only to continue the conversation casually with a wet phone (the poor thing is dying anyways) after fishing it up (I believe; with some difficulty) out of the glass. Apparently the guy I was speaking to, who had earlier seen the state I was in, merely thought it sounded like I drowned for a while. I don't blame him for not being overly surprised that it sounded like I was doing something crazy.

Following a photographic dry spell I finally managed to do a project I've been thinking of/planning for half a year. Big ups to you guys for actually showing up to do it. And sorry if anyone feels left out, but the 'roles' were taken so I couldn't add any people. I've got the films developed, and it's looking pretty good..! Now I only need to find time to scan them all (and the 8 other films I recently developed) within the 10am-5pm time frame the scanning room is open. This is actually such a big hassle that I consider buying my own scanner. It is pretty damned annoying to attend a university (for which I am paying £10k p.a.) and have colour negative processing, b&w processing, colour and b&w print-darkrooms, a studio (in fact 2), and two scanning rooms that are ONLY open between 10am-5pm. I think you might get an understanding that there is quite a lot that has to happen between those hours every day. And that is granted I have nothing else to do at those times. Of course that is not the case, for this is also when we are having all our lectures, tutorials, workshops and whatnot. And if you know what it involves you might also understand that all of these things; studio, darkroom and scanning, are things that you have to work quite a lot to get started so that there's no use to try and fit these activities in between, before or after etc. Well, all of this is mounting up to the inevitable eventuality that the weekends wind up pretty fucking quiet. All of a sudden nothing can be done. The only thing I really can do is to go out and take more pictures which would again only add to the workload in the week. Hmpf!

The reason why the rooms are not open any longer is that it is not felt that the interest is that great and that the facilities are being exhausted by the number of students using them. Of course not, we are supposed to be everywhere else aren't we? Granted, there really isn't that many students in doing darkroom/analogue work, and honestly I don't know what people are doing because everyone seems to scatter as soon as they have the chance, only to show up with some mediocre digi shots a couple of weeks later. I mean, people, you are paying for this! Maybe not as much as me (actually less than a third), but it's still money..!
And as far as facilities being used, there are really only three dedicated film scanners, and of those three I would find something else to do if none of the two best were available. So that leaves two people to scan. The studio can only effectively be used by one person (with assistant), and it is also nearly always booked. I would stay all night if they were open, honestly. And I do believe some five more students would as well, give or take. Maybe someone new would actually come in in the evenings. Who knows?

On another note. I am beginning to fear that photography is not for me, simply because in the long run, I really don't work well alone. Well, I work well enough, but I just somehow need to be around loads of people on a regular basis. I guess some areas of photography would not work too well, I'm thinking of James Nachtwey who travels around to war zones alone and that stuff. It'd be really awesome, but lonely in the long run I expect.

I feel ashamed to say I have not been following the Gaza war too closely, but I did do some reading up on it. It is and has always been a very complex conflict. One thing has to be said though, when the Norwegian doctor Mads Gilbert working in Gaza (up till today) states that he has "seen ONE military person" in the hospital, he really has no reason to lie. The people who are hurt and killed, simply are not military, they are civilians. In lack of a better way to put this:
That is unbelievably wrong!

till next..